So you've been journaling for years now and you have the books accumulated in some corner.... they've served their purpose of dealing with the day to day stress, does that mean they are now trash or a potential novel?  After eight years of journaling I decided to take a trip down memory lane and see if there was anything to be gained from exploring the adventure on a more intimate level.

I must honestly say that I was surprised by what I've found thus far!  I didn't know how far I'd come in my journey.  I tend to push myself and well have been known to be hyper-crtical of my shortcomings, yet I had to give myself a great deal of credit for how far I'd come.  Granted I've only read through two years worth of journals so far but these are some of highlights from my reflection.

Self Worth

Well it sadden me a great deal to read the words that drew a very clear picture of someone who had not come to the realization that she is quiet lovable.  That was and occasionally is a very long journey to unconditional self love.  I knew that place well, I was taught it early and well it's hard to rewrite what is programmed into us early.  But after many years of work, I love me.  I meet so many women who struggle with this void, it's like a big black whole that nothing seems to fill.  I can't say that any one event got me to where I am today, it was a journey of discovery.  I wish I had a magic formula that I could give to all of the women out there.  That I truly do wish I could offer.  But somewhere along the journey you just have to find the moment of realization that you are responsible for yourself.  I feel that each person is wholly responsible for living their life fully.  So the first step is taking responsibility for one's life and actions.  Then knowing that you have to put you first above all else, yes even your children or your spouse.  Most people argue this but it's a cop out.  If you do not take care of yourself, love yourself being first and foremost, then how can you really give anything to anyone else?

You think you are being a good mother by sacrificing your dreams your health, NO!  You are most assuredly setting a very bad example of an unfulfilled life that is totally out of balance.  If you have daughters this is even more important!!  These little girls are watching, they are listening to everything, don't be fooled they are very much aware of what is going on around them!  Do you really want to create a woman that has to feel as you do?

Obsession Externally

An embarrassing thing I found in my journal over and over was a bad habit of obsessing externally usually about a relationship.  Looking at it with some distant, it was so clear I could have charted it.  The more stressful the situations in my life the more I would seek to comfort myself in a relationship or at least a man as a distraction.  Not at all healthy and just a waste of energy and time.  In all honesty, I learned about this habit I happen to have about two years ago.  So now I recognize it clearly, if I start to think about or obsess about a relationship issue, I stop and see what I'm trying to avoid.  It's money on every single time.  It's an outlet, exhaust valve that's not healthy!  Now one of the first things I do when I catch this is meditate!  That helps 110%!!!

I guess we could call it comfort food, lol, like mac and cheese.  But the bottom line is the external seeking for comfort or answers again doesn't work so it's wasted energy.  That's the part that just annoyed me when I was reading, OMG could I have been anymore clueless about giving away me and my energy.  Now I tend to be much more greedy with me and how I focus my energy.  That I do believe has come with age, but I must say once you start loving yourself, you tend to treat yourself like more a treasure and such wasting energy on this sort of thing isn't very rewarding.

People Factor

Pretty much my nucleus of friends has shifted completely.  I must note that the advice I received from a lot of my friends was less than stellar!  I'm guessing they were also trying to tell me what I wanted to hear.  I've been told many times in my life that I am a strong force and that intimidates many.  I think I have better friends now and I also think I try much harder to look inside to find my answers than to others.  Really only I have the answers I seek, which when you think about it is actually very comforting since who would really want anyone else to hold those important truths.  So, the role my friends play has changed a great deal as well as the selection.  As much as it is difficult at times, I've learned to allow people to move into and out of my life more freely.  I just don't look at anything as forever, people usually bring an experience to you and sometimes it's short.  I've never felt like these things were random, I don't always see with clarity the reasons until much later, but it always feels like there is a knowledge to be gained.

I guess in summary I still have many journals to read and I expect to have other insights to share but don't throw your journals away, let time pass and then see how far you've come in your journey, you might be surprised!!